Please ignore me

Sometimes I hate myself. Seriously.

I've noticed that when I'm meeting new people I feel the urge to connect-Quickly- and to my brain the fastest way to do that is to spill my life story. And it's not a pretty story, so while it might be interesting to a point, I'm pretty sure the people are wondering why I'm spilling my guts to them. And I walk away with a pit in my stomach wondering what the heck they think of me now. And I vow to never do it again, but I just can't control it in the moment. It's always pertinent to the conversation- it's not like I just bring it up. But with my obsessive need to tell the truth, details fall out that really shouldn't be out yet- things that really could just be glossed over or ignored. I studied this all in college- it's called the onion theory. It's the only communication theory that I remember.

I just have this need to be known. I'm afraid that people will get the wrong impression about my character or misunderstand my potential. Perhaps it's with all this moving I feel like I'm losing my identity, piece by piece, and I don't want to to lose me. And I don't want to be in pieces strewn about the country. I don't feel whole, and I want to desperately. Granted, blabbing my childhood woes probably isn't the best way, but in my head, that part of my life is so essential to who I am now, I guess I have a hard time believing that someone can know me without knowing the story behind me.

So if you have ever had to endure my life story, especially when I dominated the conversation and didn't let anyone a word edgewise, please forgive me. I literally don't see it until I've walked away. And if you see me doing it in the future, just give me a signal- a kick in the knee if you have to. I'd rather limp than walk away feeling pathetic again.