Pregnancy Scares

The last week and a half have been some of the most stressful of my life. I was told at my regular OB appointment on the 24th that I had borderline low fluid- it was at the 5% and anything below that can be dangerous. Google research showed scary things that can cause low fluid (which I was pretty sure I didn't have since the baby had all its organs), but even scarier to me were all the awful things that can happen because of the low fluid. Things like growth stunting, underdeveloped lungs, cord compression, and even death. Treatment wasn't a sure thing and wouldn't be easy: fluids and bed rest. With three active girls, I just couldn't see it.

A repeat ultrasound showed the same low fluid level and I was referred to a specialist. I couldn't get an appointment for a week, though, so I started the waiting/worry period. I was told not to exercise, I did only the most basic housework, and told Liliana I couldn't carry her around anymore. I scared myself on internet sites. I prepared myself for the possibility of bed rest, premature labor, c-section, and death. I did get a blessing, which helped as I put my will into the hands of the Lord, and tried to have the faith necessary to be strong through this.

Finally my appointment came and I got a full ultrasound again. The baby was more cooperative this time and I got to see the profile pictures I had missed on the other scan. And then the doctor walked in and informed me that my fluid was perfect! I was stunned. He said that everything looked perfect and that the baby and I should be fine.

The emotions I felt last night are hard to describe. Relief, obviously. The absence of the stress was tangible. Some annoyance at the worry I had been put through. Anger at myself for getting so wrapped up in it and involving other people, which made them worry. Happy that my baby was healthy. Paranoid that the levels will drop again. Excited that I could have my normal life back. Everything at once was overwhelming.

But a good night's sleep can put everything into perspective. I had been facing the real possibility of my baby being hurt in some way. A baby that I love and cherish already; a baby that I have sacrificed for. The urgency from my doctor was real, not imagined. The stories on the web were actual accounts and a real possibility. But so far, I am not one of them. Whether by miracle or biology, my baby is perfect. And now I know that when faced with possible disaster, I lean toward preparing for the worst so that I am not blindsided if that happens. So I learned something about myself. And I saw that people care about me and my family, and that makes me feel good. They worried with me and then they rejoiced with me when I reported that all was well. And now that things are better I am happily returning to my exercise schedule and vacuuming!

But one thought keeps returning. I got just a glimpse of what it is like to have a sick child; a sliver of the anxiety that comes as you face the hurt/death of the one you have pledged to protect. My heart goes out to those parents who have faced the full force of that disaster; who did not have the reprieve that I received. And I am all the more grateful for all that I have.